Real Men Shed Tears

Often times men have a strong aversion to crying in front of other people. This emotional response is often perceived as unmanly, weak, helpless and quite frankly–pathetic. It's not that men are afraid of expressing emotions altogether. For example, a man rarely avoids expressing anger or frustration. This is because it doesn't make him look weak or insecure in the same way as crying does. On the contrary, anger gives off the impression of strength, will-power, and self-determination.

But weeping is not necessarily a sign of weakness or insecurity. In fact, one of the powerful things about crying is the strong character traits that it demonstrates. Passion. Love. Allegiance. Fervency. Devotion. Drive. Commitment. Investment. These are all manly characteristics which inevitably lead to weeping and sadness whenever the things that we care about are stripped away from us. For what demonstrates more strength? To care about all the things in your life–God, family, church, friends? Or to seek to remain emotionally detached for fear of being hurt, or for fear that someone will see that you are invested in–even dependent on–other people? A real man is one who is invested in the people around him and is willing to experience and express hurt when they are taken away.

So it is manly to be invested in the people around you, and crying because of their death testifies to the fact that you chose to love, to honor and to care for them. But what should that sorrow look like? Shouldn't a man be strong for his family in a time of crisis? Of course he should. But rather than trying to hide the effect that a loss is having on you, you should feel freedom to express your sorrow. You should point your family to your true foundation–the gospel of Jesus Christ. The fact that you are reconciled to God and there is nothing that can change that grounds you. Being strong for your family means showing them that it's a good thing to weep because it demonstrates love. It means leading your family to Christ for stability, asking the church for help, and praying to the Holy Spirit for guidance and peace. All this flows from the fact that the core of manliness is not independence, but dependence. We are strongest when we receive our strength from God rather than trusting in ourselves.

As humans we are designed to depend, and that is when we are free to truly live and lead as men.